My Why

How sad is it that a man, only 51 years of age, dies from a massive heart attack while on vacation with his 13 year old son?

After hearing about James Gandolfini's passing yesterday, I felt so sorry for his children.  In addition to his son, he's survived by an eight month old daughter.

It's just heartbreaking because maybe this could have been prevented.

I'm the daughter of a man who's been obese my entire life.  I've watched my dad go through heart attacks, diabetes, open heart surgery, and loss of his toes.  He's let his poor diet and lack of exercise lead us all on an emotional roller coaster I'd rather not be on.

Losing weight has superficial benefits, no doubt.  Sure, it makes me feel good to get more attention from the oposite sex.  It's nice to get compliments from people I know who "can't get over how good I look."  It's an ego booster to be able to shop in stores I never could when I was heavier.

It's not my "why" though.

It's about being around to watch my children grow up and experience life.  I need to be a good role model for them for when they have children of their own.  It's just about experiencing life with them for as long as I can without my own health being the reason I can't.

If you ever struggle with your own "why," think of your family and loved ones.   It can't be the main reason you make positive changes, but they are definitely a very close second.

Overwhelmed

After my last post, I was asked why I didn't like Insanity.  

I spent some time thinking about it.   It is a great work out program that delivers results- no doubt about that.  I've seen it transform people.

Insanity is 45 minutes or more of crazy, constant cardio.  There were no breaks, no real recovery, and as it turns out, I'm a wimp.

Every work just overwhelmed me- pushed me to my absolute limit.  I felt like my heart was going to beat right out of my chest sometimes.  More than once, I felt my muscles turn to mush and I had to stop and take a break.

I hate feeling like that.  I had no desire to do the work outs.

That being said, I might consider giving it a try again here and there.  Now I know what to expect and perhaps I can better psych myself up for it.  It was a format I did really like:  (crazy) warm up, stretch, and work out.  The stretch was such a nice break from the warm up before the insane work out.  

Turns out Insanity is aptly named!

I'm Still Here

I've been a horrible failure at keeping up this blog.  If anyone still checks it out, my sincere apologies!

While I would love to say I'm recommitted to blogging daily, I feel like I'm just setting myself up to fail.  I will just say that as I meet more and more people who have struggled with their weight like me, I will do my best to post more often.

So what's been happening with me for the last 2.5 months?

I started Insanity.  I hated it.

I learned that I hate that much cardio.  I missed lifting weights.  Make no mistake, it is an insane program; I've never been challenged so much by a work out program, but every morning, I dreaded going downstairs and pushing play.

I don't believe you should hate your work out.

So I stopped Insanity to do the Ultimate Reset, a 21 day clean eating detox plan that was the hardest thing I've ever done.  I'm a life long snacker and grazer, which admittedly is my biggest weakness.  They give you a full meal plan and supplements to cleanse and detox, but it's a fairly strict schedule.  Overall, I was able to follow it about 90%.  I had a few slips and I hated that I did, but nothing I can do to change that now.  My husband did it with me; I couldn't have been more proud of him either.  He lost 17.5 lbs, while I lost 6.5 lbs.  As hard as it was, I would definitely do this again now that I know what to expect and how it really works!

The kids are amazing too  I have one on my lap as I type and the other one is pressed up against me.  It's not very easy to blog like this but I love my cuddle time with them.  Tomorrow we head to Chicago and attend good friends' wedding.  I'm anxious to see how they do on the plane, even though they've been fine in the past.  I just never know what I'll get with Phoebe.  Wish us luck!

I'll post soon with our Ultimate Reset pictures and a review of Lean Out.  I have been researching a new-to-me exercise philosophy for after Lean Out that I'm excited to share with you all!

Fit Test

Today was day #1 of Insanity and all I had to do was the 26 minute fit test.

What I learned is that I am not very fit and all.

The fit test is only eight moves to give you a benchmark of the progress you'll make during the 60 day program.  There was a lot of jumping, kicking, and sweating.  You do one move for one minute straight and count how many you can do.

I was about average on some moves, and poor on others.  I'm almost excited to see how much I can improve over the next 15 (when the next fit test is scheduled).

According to the nutrition guide, I have to consume 1900 calories to lose one lb a week.  I didn't track my calories today (which is bad, I know) but I'm going to be strict from now on.  I don't have an excuse for eating as poorly as I have- I've just gotten lazy.

I can't wait to sweat and burn calories!

Time to Succeed

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Almond Butter

This is the second post in my blogging history to be dedicated solely to almond butter.  I seriously love it that much.

I eat too much almond butter. I know this. I can eat it on bread, an apple, a carrot, pretzel, you name it!  I will eat a lot of it, right out of the jar.  With my finger if no utensil is around.  

I have a problem, I know.

I have started to think I shouldn't have it in my house.  That way, I won't be tempted to eat it so much.

At Trader Joe's today, I found myself standing in front of the nut butters.  To my dismay and disbelief, the entire shelf of almond butter was empty.

A huge shelf.

Completely empty.

Maybe I need to take this as a sign. 

Routines- Exercise

I'm chatting with a very nice lady on My Fitness Pal and I realized I've never blogged about my routine- exercise or diet wise.  I don't think I'd classify the schedule as a routine,  but I definitely follow guidelines.  I need structure and love to plan!

I'm going to make this a two part blog, because the day has gotten away from me!

Exercise
I have a word document with a 2013 calendar, where I plan out all of my work outs.  I love this format because it gives me a clear vision of what I'm supposed to do and when.

Cardio is obviously very important, but I love lifting weights too. Currently, I'm doing ChaLean Extreme and Turbo Fire, based on a schedule I got from Chalene's sister herself.  Yes, I'm pretty proud of this!  I have three days of weights, five days of cardio, and three days of core work.  It's a three month schedule that ends at the end of March.  Starting April 1, I will follow the Insanity 60 day schedule.  I've tried before to follow my own schedule but choosing programs that come WITH one is so much easier for me.  Plus, I yield much better results.

Here is this week's schedule:

Sunday, March 3: REST
Monday, March 4:  ChaLean Extreme Lean Circuit 3, HIIT 25, ChaLean Extreme Ab Burner
Tuesday, March 5:  Turbo Fire 55EZ, 10 Minute Stretch (or 3.1 mile run)
Wednesday, March 6:  ChaLean Extreme Lean Circuit 3, Turbo Fire Stretch 10
Thursday, March 7: Turbo Fire45EZ and Core 20 (or 3.1 mile run)
Friday, March 8:  ChaLean Extreme Lean Circuit 3 & Turbo Fire HIIT 15
Saturday, March 9:  Turbo Fire 45 and ChaLean Extreme Ab Burner

I think my body adjusted to Turbo Fire a bit, so I'm mixing in some running instead.  I already feel leaner since adding it!

I set my alarm everyday for 5:10 AM.  It's imperative that I get up and get my work out in before the kids get up.  Once they're up, I'm in mom mode and I won't be able to do anything.  Colin likes to jump next to  me and Phoebe likes to stand at my feet and moan "mama."  She hates when I work out!

I also sleep in my work out clothes.  It cuts time out in the morning so I can get to the living room as soon as I can.  I set up my work out space the night before too.  Yes, I work out in my living room.  A room I share with a Thomas the Train train table, multiple monster trucks, about seven Disney princesses, a bat cave, and so many matchbox cars, it's amazing.  I have very little room but I make it work.  Luckily for me, I can tuck my SelectTech weights away in the corner and they aren't too noticeable.  They're ready for me along with my lifting gloves, heart rate monitor, bottle of water and my computer to play my DVDs.

There are no words to express how much I need this me time.  Yes, I get tired. I can fall asleep in less than five minutes most nights.  It's totally worth it though!

Running

In the beginning of my journey, I didn't focus on fitness at all. I started with Weight Watchers after watching a friend have great success with it.  It taught me so much- mostly, how much I was eating.  My portions were out of control!

About seven months into WW, I decided I might see faster results if I started working out.  I didn't want a gym membership because it would take me away from the house and the kids.  That just wasn't an option for me.  We decided to get a used treadmill off Craigslist, to go along with DVDs I've collected over the years.

I am not a runner.  Fat girls don't like to run.  It makes our thighs rub together and that just plain sucks.

Walking on the treadmill was fine, but it wasn't going to speed up my weight loss.  I knew I'd have to do some running.  I started to run intervals- walk one minute, jog one minute.  Jog, not run.  I can't recall how long I did this, but I eventually got into the Couch to 5K program and ran TWO 5Ks!

Then, I had foot surgery in January 2012 and I stopped running.  That was easy to do since I never loved it anyway.

I've been tossing around the idea of starting to run again.  I have been struggling with weight loss- AGAIN.  Deciding maybe I needed to switch it up, I dusted off (literally) the treadmill this morning and ran 3.1 miles.

RAN.

THE ENTIRE TIME.

IN MY FASTEST TIME EVER.

33:59 MINUTES

I couldn't believe I was able to keep it up. I wanted to quit a few times, but I just kept pushing through it.  Actually, I focus on my breathing and that seems to calm me/center my thoughts so I reach my  goal and not crap out.before I even hit two miles.

Now, I'm going to layer in some running each week to my already crazy work out schedule. I'm also looking into some 5Ks to run this spring or summer.  Eventually  I would like to run a 10K or even a half marathon!  Just typing that out intimidates me!

My messy basement - just enough room for the treadmill!

View from said treadmill.  

Take the Challenge

I love that beachbody offers great savings every few times throughout the year!  They have THREE awesome sales running right now!

Have you considered taking the Beachbody Challenge?  Committing to a program and nutrition?  If so, now is the PERFECT time to do so!  P90X and P90X2 challenge packs are now on sale!!!  Get the program AND Shakeology and save over $80 than if you bought them individually!

A 90 day program with cardio, strength, yoga, plyo, and more PLUS a 30 Day supply of Shakeology for only $180?  With free shipping?  Seriously?!

If you have been on the fence about trying this or really need the support to commit, comment here with a way for me to contact you.  I can answer any questions!

My Latest Creation

I'm trying the Whole30 Challenge again and at lunch time today, I had no idea what to eat.  I knew I had to cook the shrimp I had in my fridge so I threw them in a pan with some coconut aminos, which is a much healthier alternative to soy sauce.  I had some fresh butternut squash too, so I sliced and diced it and added it to the pan . Then I put some steamed cauliflower in my new food processor and made cauliflower rice.

I combined it all and the finished product was DELICIOUS!

I Must be Insane!

Starting this April 1st.  Just in time to be beach ready....if such a thing is possible!  Get insane with me!

Weigh In Wednesday, Paleo Recipes & the Ultimate Warrior

I forgot to post about my weigh in yesterday!   I was down a 1.5 lbs!  I'm happy with that, but I'm still just floating between the same few lbs.  Yesterday's number was the lowest I've ever been, but I can't seem to maintain this weight.  We shall see what the week brings me!

I found this web site recently and I love it!  It has a lot of recipes, fashion, and such, but I really love the paleo recipes.  I tend to look more at the baked goods, but I'm only going to make a few of them!

I had a really interesting conversation with a co-worker of mine who is also very into fitness and body building.  For your reference, he wants to (as is almost there in terms of muscles) look like the Ultimate Warrior (below), so I trusts he knows a little bit about fitness.

He asked me what my goals were and I said lose 10 more lbs.  He asked how much cardio I was doing and I told him I do 4-5 days of high intensity interval training, with each work out being 30-50 minutes long.  I told him I also doing weights with ChaLean Extreme three days a week and I was lifting as heavy as I could. He recommended I increase my cardio to six days a week for as long as I can.  Keep up with lifting three days but don't go as heavy as I can- aim for just enough weight.  Lastly, he said to layer in core work three days. 

It was such an interesting conversation!  When I hit my goal weight, he said to flip the schedule and lift more, and reduce cardio slightly.  It all made sense and I'm eager to try it out.  Once I finish ChaLean Extreme and Turbo Fire, I'm doing Insanity April 1st!  Wish me luck!

100 Days Until Summer

I'm kicking into high gear!  There are 100 days until June 1st and I want to feel confidant in a swim suit (notice, I didn't say GOOD, just confidant).

Decide.  Commit.  Succeed.

Invest in a challenge pack and get me as your FREE coach.

Big Picture

I'm about ready to pull my hair out.  I'm beyond frustrated.

The scale and my gut seem to hate me.

Some pretty negative thoughts have been running through my head these last few days.  I try SO hard.  I work out six, some times seven, days a week.  I've eliminated all junk from my diet.  I've even cut things that aren't junk simply because it's a grain or too much sugar.

The ugly voice of temptation inside my head keeps saying "See? It's not even working!"

I know that isn't the right response, so I tried evaluating what about my eating has been wrong this past week or so.  I'm pretty sure I've pinpointed it to overeating.  I've always struggled with portions...I'm a bottomless pit.

To make matters worse, I keep weighing myself, which is stressing me out.  Then I pull the cashews out of the pantry and binge to make myself feel better.  Before I know it, I've eaten way too many cashews.

Cashews.  Not donuts, not M&Ms.  Cashews.

Pretty healthy, right?

Just not when you eat a cup of them.

So this could be (another) post about how much I hate the scale and how I can't stop eating and how I'm not losing weight (again).

Funny thing is though, as I was getting dressed this morning, I noticed my "lower" belly wasn't hanging as low as it normally is.  In fact, I think I have a lot less extra skin right there as I used to have.  It felt DAMN good.

So, even if the scale goes up and I drown my sorrows in a bag of cashews, I need to remember the big picture and one day or meal does not define me or my journey.

Whole30 Day....

Well, I'm not even sure what day it is.

26 or 17

I do know Sunday is my last day and I have many mixed emotions about the whole thing.

Where to start?  My biggest worry is that I somehow missed the entire point of this challenge.  Did I cut out all processed food?  Yes.  Am I eating a ton of veggies and lean proteins?  I am.  Limiting fruit?  Yes, even though it really sucks because I love fruit.  Consuming healthy fats?  I'm buying canned coconut milk and I hate coconut.

Yes, I feel like I'm following all of the rules, but deep down inside, I feel less than 100% committed.  I feel worn out from all of the prep, shopping, and cooking this lifestyle requires.  I have to find and print out recipes (I do better with physical papers).  Make a grocery list, go shopping, and then start cooking a week's worth of food.  It takes a lot of work and  to be honest, I'm tired of it.

While I love eating better, having more energy, seeing a slight decrease in my belly pudge, I can't say I'm enoying this challenge.  It just takes up so much time that I don't want to do it every single day.  I'm too lazy and I know it.

I will definitely continue with aspects of this eating mentality.  Actually, I'm going to keep most of it up, but I'm not going to berate myself if I want a sandwich one day or fruit more than twice a day.  I'm going to drink my Shakeology for the health and convenience it provides me even if it has six grams of sugar in it.  I'm going to eat a sweet potato every day because I love them that much.  I want Triscuits and hummus, legumes be damned!

I have decided though, to do this again later in the spring. I really do love the philosophy behind it.   I'm going to prep for much longer than I did this time with listing recipes and have more meal ideas ahead of time.  Knowing now what to expect and what is required, I think I've set myself up for success the second time around.

Bittersweet- Colin is Four

My sweet baby boy turned FOUR on Sunday.  It's wonderful and sad at the same time. I can't remember my life before him, yet I want to freeze time so I can keep him this age forever.  I love watching him grow and learn.  I can see him thinking and processing things I tell him- most of the time, it's so neat.  It's amazing to watch this little person discover new things- I'm just so lucky and so in love with him!
Here are some pictures from the weekend and some favorites of mine!

                

                               

Homework

Did you know as a Beachbody coach, I get homework?  

Last week I had to talk about the product or program that's most changed my life.  Watch below to see me babble, use air quotes, and play with my bangs!

Hip Hop Abs- STILL Available

I can't believe the sale is still available!!!

You can still save $40 on this two month program! Here's a video to see what it's about. Shaun T's HIP HOP ABS (normally $60) is now ONLY $20 if you call Beachbody 800-240-0913!! Please give them my coach ID 166128 and ask for the $20 special. Plus, you'll get me (officially) as your FREE coach!! Any one on one support you need, it's yours!

This Sucks

Obviously, I love fitness and working out.

However, it really sucks when the kids are at the grandparents' for the night and I STILL wake up at 5 AM.   Not because I set my alarm, but that's what time my body decided it wanted to get up.  My eyes popped open and I actually thought "lets get going!"

I'm pretty mad about this.  I would have really, really liked to sleep in a little this morning and this just means I will crash tonight by 9 PM.

I laid there for about 15-20 minutes, got up and worked out.  My advice to you though- if you can sleep late- DO IT!

What I've Been Eating

Besides almond butter and cashew butter straight out of the jar?

• Chicken cooked in olive oil with kale and snow peas
• Kale and Pumpkin torte
• Tilapia over spaghetti squash and spinach w/coconut butter
• Sweet potato basil soup

These are just some of the dishes I've been making.  I'm planning to tackle a paleo pad thai today. I also plan on making a paleo banana bread, which is called SWYPO (sex with your pants on) in the Whole30 community and it's not allowed, but I really want it.  I also plan to have "pasta" this weekend with my spaghetti squash and some store bought sauce.  It's organic and I don't think it has any sugar in it, or very little. I'll cook up some ground turkey and go to town on it!  I really love eating spaghetti squash in place of noodles- feels the same, tastes so good, and it SO much healthier!!

My MIL and FIL are taking the kids overnight tonight so we can get ready for Colin's birthday party tomorrow!  Plus, they haven't had a sleep over in forever and both the kids and grandparents are excited.  My husband and I are so lucky our kids have such great grandparents.   I just hope I don't go crazy with some "me" time and get nothing done that I really have to get done.  I seem better at time management when the little ones are underfoot!

MAJOR SALE

Shaun T's Hip Hop Abs (normally $60) is now ONLY $20 if you call Beachbody at 800-240-0913!! Please give them my coach ID 166128 and ask for the $20 special. This is an awesome deal! It's five work outs (abs, thighs/hips and cardio)- SO worth it!!!

Weigh In Wednesday

THREE LBS LOST!!!!!!!

To say I'm excited about this is an understatement.  I'm jumping out of my skin, I'm so happy!  I want to kick and karate chop all over the place.

I shouldn't be that excited though.  I've seen this number on the scale before.  I just can't maintain it or even go below it.  Next week's weigh in will be my make it or break it weigh in.  I'm hopeful though....going to eat well and work out hard.

I'm on Day 19 of the Whole30 Challenge.  I'm pretty in love with it except the amount of time I spend each weekend cooking.  It takes me away from the kids too much.  My goal is to continue on after the 30 days are up with an 85/15 paleo diet.  I definitely do NOT want to eat as much sugar as I was anymore.  I was traveling for work yesterday and I was so nervous about what I would eat.  I think I ate about four hard boiled eggs!  It wasn't so bad though- I found a salad place that I could pick everything that went into it and I opted for a little EVOO as my dressing.  I brought almonds and one of the four hard-boiled eggs with me in case of an emergency.

I have a lot of pictures of the foods/meals I've been eating that are sitting on my phone.  I don't get reception in my office so I can't grab them right now.  So frustrating!  I had a cooking frenzy this weekend that I'm very proud of, so pictures and links to recipes will be coming soon!

I Won the Battle

I started making a video yesterday to post on here.  It was a very long, emotional day and I wanted to capture my thoughts for the day, but I was too drained to write them down.  Every time I'd start the video though, I would get interrupted.

Now, it's a day later and everyone in my house is asleep, so I have some time to write. I do not look presentable right now, so you'll have to wait for a video.

Yesterday was a very rough and emotional day.  I found out some disturbing news while at work; all while working on a large project for clients.  Part of the project included sending gifts out that includes gourmet chocolates.

So, all day long, I had three medium size boxes of these chocolates staring me in the face.

I was sad- my heart literally hurt.  It would have been so easy to just have one, teeny, tiny chocolate.  I would feel better, said a voice inside my head.

Then the other voice inside my head (yes, I have a few!) said "Stay away from that chocolate!"

I managed all day to refrain, but I was getting more upset as the day wore on.  As I was leaving for the night, I took one piece with me to my car.

I sat in the parking lot and told myself I would have half of it.  Just half.

I unwrapped the gold foil and took one small bite.  Immediately, I knew.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I did NOT want this chocolate.  It would NOT make me feel better.  I was only hurting my goals by eating it.

I wrapped the piece back up and put it in the bottom of my bag.  It was such an "a-ha" moment for me.  My entire life I have taken solace in food.  It's the one constant that my brain always thought was what I needed when I was sad or upset.

I don't think if I was doing this challenge, I would have put that chocolate down.  Being off almost all sugar (minus fruit) has helped me kick my emotional eating and freed me from a mind set I always hated.  I hate using food as a crutch.  I felt so empowered that I could wrap it up and put it aside.  I don't think that has ever happened to me in my life!

On one hand I was so proud of myself, and on the other, I was mad at myself for having that bite at all.  It was a great lesson for me to learn.  I fought, and won, a battle I never thought I would!

January Numbers & Deep Thoughts

I started this post originally with a negative tone.

I didn't lose any weight this week.

I read it a few times and deleted it.  It insinuates that I'm unhappy with my weigh in today.  Did I love seeing the same exact number as last week?  No, but it didn't depress me as it normally would.

Could it be I'm getting over my obsession with the scale?  An interesting thought, but not sure I can answer that since I'm sure, in an obsessive fit, I'll weight myself again.  Tomorrow.

It's the end of the month though and that means I take measurements too.  In my rational mind (not the one I always use!), I know inches are more important.  After all, muscle weighs more than fat.  I had already decided I would be lucky if I lost an inch this month when I got out my trusty measuring tape.

To my complete delight, I lost a total of 2.5 inches and 2.5 lbs this month!  One inch was from my "upper" belly alone!

I feel great this morning.  I was stagnant for so long that these 2.5 inches mean a lot to me.  It's incredible motivation to keep going in the right direction and not give up.

My wish is for every person struggling with their weight is to not give up.  It's so easy to get discouraged, I know.

It's What's on the Inside that Matters

I was at a baby shower yesterday.  It was hell- only because I had almost NO food choices.  I ate fruit, scallops (I peeled the bacon off), and meatballs.  I actually stopped eating the meatballs after two because I highly doubt they were prepared without BBQ sauce.  Temptation was everywhere- pasta salad, deviled eggs, thanksgiving rolls, tomato pie, and don't even ask me about the dessert table.  I'm pretty sure a tear rolled down my cheek when they cut the cake.

Oh and there was a keg and a wine bar.  

Anyway, I saw family members I haven't seen in awhile, which is nice but I had the same conversation with a few of them.  How much have I lost now?  How did I do it?

I get the feeling they mostly want me to say "I woke up one day, decided not to be unhealthy anymore, and now I'm not."

Ok, maybe not those words exactly, but they want to hear I took a pill or some other quick fix to lose 80 lbs.  I wish!

It's nice to hear from others how good I look (although it really makes me think I looked like complete CRAP before).   I always make a point thought to share the HEALTH affects of losing the weigh.  I no longer have high cholesterol and don't need medication for it.  My blood pressure is awesome.  For someone who's had TWO high risk pregnancies because of it, that's a relief.  My triglycerides are in the ideal range and I'm not pre-diabetic anymore.  

If I hadn't made the choice to not be unhealthy anymore, I don't know what I'd be dealing with now.  The outside benefits are nice too; I know my husband appreciates them too!   I'm just thankful I'm being proactive about my health and reactive.  

Whole30 Challenge Day 9

I am nine days into the Whole30 Challenge.  It's a paleo based challenge created by a company called Whole9, who've created a community focused on real food and healthy habits.

Basically it means I can't eat any sugar, grains, legumes, or processed food.

If you had asked me 10 days ago if I could do this, I would have said "Hell NO!!!"  The first few days were really hard and I kept dragging my feet before I would commit to doing it.  It takes a lot of will and preparation.  With two little kids and a full time job, when was I going to dedicate the time needed for prep?

I managed to find it and it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be.

So what am I eating?

My main staples are sweet potatoes, lean meat (chicken and turkey- sometimes ground, sometimes not), fish like tilapia and salmon, veggies like asparagus, squash, carrots, zucchini, broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, and kale.  I'm snacking on almonds, cashews, pistachios, almond butter and fruits like apples, clementines, strawberries, and raspberries.  I've occasionally pineapple and bananas.

Here are some of the recipes I've made so far.  I'm not the best cook, but these have all been good.  My husband is even some of them!  I spend the afternoons on Saturdays or Sundays cooking for the week ahead.

• Coconut Chicken Soup
• Paleo Pumpkin Chili
• Zucchini Cakes
• Sagey Spiced Butternut Squash
• Steak and Veggies

I also have quicker meals of just fish or chicken and veggies in coconut aminos  sauteed in a pan.  I can make that quickly at night while preparing dinner for the kids.  I will add a salad of mixed greens, cucumbers, carrots, and guacamole or avocado. No dressing, but I might sprinkle some olive oil if it is ever too dry.  The guac/avocado usually is enough for me though.

I feel amazing!  I'm full at night now and don't have the hunger pains I would usually get around 9-10 pm EVERY.SINGLE. NIGHT.  I wake up in the morning and don't feel tired, which is great because I wake up around 5:15 AM almost every morning.

I can make the kids' breakfast and not graze on their leftovers- like pop tarts, toaster strudels, or Greek yogurt and granola.  I don't pick at their peanut butter sandwiches or pirate's booty or crackers when cleaning up lunch.  No more sneaking bites of pizza when putting dinner on the table.  Even Tim has noticed I'm not picking at dinner as we clean up!

You're not supposed to weigh yourself on this challenge, but I'm not that self disciplined!  I'm done two lbs so far in nine days!  I measure myself at the end of each month and I'm actually excited to do it this week!  Wednesdays are my weigh in day, so stay tuned for an update!

Squash

My newest food obsession is squash.  Yellow, zucchini, butternut, and spaghetti.  I'm slowly educating myself on all the different kinds and how you can cook them.  Since I'm trying the Whole30 Challenge, I have been scouring the internet for quick, easy recipes.  I'm learning that the words "quick" and "easy" don't exist in the Whole30 world.  Sigh.

I spent a lot of time this weekend cooking. I enjoy cooking, surprisingly enough,  but spending my weekend days in the kitchen takes me away from the kids. My time with them is so limited since I work full time, so I have a hard time not being with them as much as I can on the weekends.  A bit strange, I know, since we're in the same house, but I want to be engaging with them, making them smile, hearing them laugh.  I'm getting off track here- sorry!

I carved out some time today to make a few recipes using the squash I bought over the weekend.  I did major grocery shopping for this healthy eating challenge.  It actually took me three trips to get what I needed for the recipes I saved.

They were pretty easy, prep time was not very long, and from what I sampled, they tasted pretty good.  My new favorite web site Chow Stalker has a lot of recipes and I found some easier ones for my squash.  I cooked up a storm and my fridge is now packed full!

I'm really excited for this one

  Spaghetti Squash with Garlic and Parsley

And this one:

Turkey Spaghetti Squash

Still Stings

I'm not obsessed with working out, I'm serious about my health.  If people knew the genetics I've inherited, they'd understand.  Diabetes, heart attacks, strokes- not fun stuff!   I don't want to put my family through the emotional turmoil nor do I want to go through it myself.

It's sad that people can be negative towards someone trying to get and stay healthy. It's even worse that I let it bug me (still).  People ask me a lot about my weight loss and I'm always glad to share my experience, but I've gotten to the point that I'm wary of how much or what I share.  Weight and health are sensitive subjects and I never know how people will interpret my story.  I've encountered a few people who get negative and even a little nasty.  They imply that I'm crazy for getting up around 5 AM to work out or that I don't give enough attention to my kids because I "exercise all the time."  That's just not fair and I don't normally let it bother me.  I know that response is usually based in an unhappiness with themselves, it just still bothers me and is just unnecessary.

I've been bad about posting the last few days, but I've started the Whole30 Challenge.  I have lots to post on that!  Coming soon!

Mental

Prayers For Reesey

I found another mom's blog recently via FB.  She has four adorable redheads six years of age and under.  They are some of the cutest little girls I've ever seen with pretty red hair and gorgeous blue eyes.

The third little girl, Reese, was diagnosed with a brain tumor on Halloween 2012.

I spent a few hours one night a few weeks ago reading their story and it is sweet, funny, humbling, inspiring, and heart wrenching.  After reading her last entry last night, I now want to fly to Dallas and hug this amazing  little girl.  (Warning:  the blog will tug at your heart strings.  It make make you cry, but it is worth it!)

I wanted to share it here on my blog as they face another MRI next week to check the status of her tumors.  Please send out prayers, thoughts, vibes- whatever it is you do- to this family as they face this next step.

http://www.thisyearslovewilllast.com/

My Beachbody Addiction

I can't say my addiction is to exercise. I don't love all exercise.  I still can't get into yoga as much as I have tried.  My addiction is to Beachbody work out programs.

Insanity arrived on my door step yesterday and I am indeed, insane.

I might also end up divorced if I can't control myself.

Ok, I'd have to tell my husband first that I bought another program for that to happen, but I'm getting off track here.

I need to work out at home.  I've tried getting out in the early morning to a gym and it was a borderline disaster.  My daughter has no consistent sleep pattern and can wake up at 5 AM or 7:30 AM.  Since my husband is NOT a morning person, and Phoebe is a mommy's girl, it's best for everyone if I'm there when she wakes up.

Beachbody work outs like Turbo Fire, ChaLean Extreme, P90X, Insanity, Brazil Butt Lift, Les Mills Combact, and more make it SO easy for me to get fit and stay healthy without leaving my house.

I'm currently doing ChaLean Extreme, and I've layered Brazil Butt Lift on top of it.  I'm also throwing in Turbo Fire for some cardio on days I do weights.  I get the best of both worlds this way because lifting weights is so important to lose weight and change your body shape.

My living room is my gym space right now and I was up bright and early this morning.  On my schedule was Burn Circuit 1 from ChaLean Extreme and 20 minutes of Fire 30 from Turbo Fire.   I felt so stinking good afterwards!  Is it strange to love feeling  my body work and sweat?  I just feel so good, mentally and physically.  I wish I could have finished Fire 30, but the kids were both up by this point and needed me.  I still managed to get an awesome work out in- and that's what counts.

I'm excited to see how I do with these programs and I can't wait to try Insanity.  I just wonder what will be after that....

Click here to try a Beachbody work out!

2013 Goals

My parents instilled a belief that anything was possible, that I could do anything I set my mind to, as long as I worked hard.  I've lived my entire life believing in that.

I lost some of that drive as I got older.

I could blame it on having kids. Your focus and priorities in life just shift once you become a parent.  Rather easily, I lost focus on my goals and the other things I want in life in addition to being their mom..

It's become clear to me that I want to do more.  To not just exist- but live.  To lead them by example of setting goals and reaching them.

I can say to myself or my husband that I want to do this or I want to try that, but if I just say them, there's really no one to throw it back in my face when I never do it.

I need that throw back.

So, think of this as my bucket list.  Goals I will achieve in 2013.

1. Get a food processor (starting easy!)
2.  Lose the last 10-12 lbs
3.  Build my Beachbody business by making at least Ruby coach by 8/31/13.
5.  Save $25K towards our down payment for our next home by 12/31/13.
6.  Take the family on a week long vacation this summer.
7. Write on this blog at least four times a week.
8.  Never drink a diet soda again
9. Complete Insanity
10. Do more volunteer work, especially during holiday season

Maybe I'm a Nut

On New Year's Eve, I stood in my bra and underwear at my closet door, tears blinding my vision.  Everything I tried on made me feel fat and frumpy.  I rejected top after top, switched to a dress, rejected it, and then tried another.  I ripped that one off too, threw it on the floor and sat on my bed, feeling deflated and depressed.

Why is it, no matter how our bodies change or how far we come, it's still so hard for us to see it?

It took my husband telling me "You're not fat.  I can wrap my arms all the way around you" for me to almost believe it.  Ok, maybe I didn't look lumpy and overweight in everything I owned.  Maybe it wasn't the end of the world and surely, this didn't warrant ordering a large pizza and eating it all myself.

He had to remind me again today that I've lost 80 lbs. I seem to forget this because when I look in the mirror, I still see me.  The me I was my entire life- overweight, unhappy, and unhealthy. 

Howveer, I did lose 80 lbs on my own, in a healthy and safe manor.  I've accomplished something amazing.  I was looking into getting a personal trainer because I want these last 10 lbs gone. He thought I was nuts and told me as much.

Maybe I am a nut.  I need to be happy about the journey I've had and not sweat the small distance I have left to go.

2013 is going to be the year of enjoyment and adventure. I'm going to enjoy my life, my kids, my husband, my job, family, and friends. I'm going to try new things, step out of my comfort zone, and give back.

It's time to get and stay positive!

I'm Still Here!

It's been a shamefully long time since I've been here.  I can't put my finger on what made me lose focus.  Work has been extremely busy with me traveling almost every week for about a month.  We sold our house and had to fix up the new house we moved into.  Then the holiday season hit and before I could sit down to relax, it was 2013.

So where am I in fitness/health wise?

I'm surprisingly good!

I've maintained my 80 lbs weight loss!  I'm switching things up a little to tackle these last 10-15 lbs.  For Christmas, my awesome in-laws gave me these:

I'm madly in love with my SelectTech weights!  They're adjustable and range from five to 55 lbs.  I'm doing ChaLean Extreme (again) with the plan to lift heavier this time.  I've also mixed in some work outs from Brazil Butt Lift to help with my thighs (abs and butt, too- of course).  

I'm reading about paleo, vegetarian and vegan diets, watching documentaries, and thinking about making a change in my diet.  I do pretty well with eating healthy foods, but I know I could tighten it up some.

Here are some pictures from the past few months: