I Won the Battle

I started making a video yesterday to post on here.  It was a very long, emotional day and I wanted to capture my thoughts for the day, but I was too drained to write them down.  Every time I'd start the video though, I would get interrupted.

Now, it's a day later and everyone in my house is asleep, so I have some time to write. I do not look presentable right now, so you'll have to wait for a video.

Yesterday was a very rough and emotional day.  I found out some disturbing news while at work; all while working on a large project for clients.  Part of the project included sending gifts out that includes gourmet chocolates.

So, all day long, I had three medium size boxes of these chocolates staring me in the face.

I was sad- my heart literally hurt.  It would have been so easy to just have one, teeny, tiny chocolate.  I would feel better, said a voice inside my head.

Then the other voice inside my head (yes, I have a few!) said "Stay away from that chocolate!"

I managed all day to refrain, but I was getting more upset as the day wore on.  As I was leaving for the night, I took one piece with me to my car.

I sat in the parking lot and told myself I would have half of it.  Just half.

I unwrapped the gold foil and took one small bite.  Immediately, I knew.  It hit me like a ton of bricks.  I did NOT want this chocolate.  It would NOT make me feel better.  I was only hurting my goals by eating it.

I wrapped the piece back up and put it in the bottom of my bag.  It was such an "a-ha" moment for me.  My entire life I have taken solace in food.  It's the one constant that my brain always thought was what I needed when I was sad or upset.

I don't think if I was doing this challenge, I would have put that chocolate down.  Being off almost all sugar (minus fruit) has helped me kick my emotional eating and freed me from a mind set I always hated.  I hate using food as a crutch.  I felt so empowered that I could wrap it up and put it aside.  I don't think that has ever happened to me in my life!

On one hand I was so proud of myself, and on the other, I was mad at myself for having that bite at all.  It was a great lesson for me to learn.  I fought, and won, a battle I never thought I would!