My grandmother passed away last night after a somewhat short battle with cancer.
I 100% believed she would outlive us all.
Even when we learned she had cancer, I didn't worry because I thought she was made of steel. She was a strong woman and it never crossed my mind she wouldn't kick cancer's butt.
The night I found out she didn't have much longer, I was dumbfounded. I wasn't very close to my grandmother but she was a strong presence in my life. Her death doesn't seem real. I'm torn between being sad and feeling detached. It's a horrible way to feel. Memories of her keep racing into my head when I least expect it. It just makes me feel unstable and out of focus.
I didn't grow up living close to my grandparents and I never felt like they wanted to know me. We saw them at holidays and occasional trips in the summer, but we didn't talk on the phone or write to each other. I only really knew her through my dad. I'm not bothered by this because it's just the way it was. I just wonder if I should feel more than what I'm feeling right now.
I'm dreading her funeral. I don't want to see my dad upset, as I know he is. He is flying in from out of state on Friday, along with my mom, brother, and oldest nephew. I don't want to lose whatever control I think I'm holding on to right now.
I didn't grow up living close to my grandparents and I never felt like they wanted to know me. We saw them at holidays and occasional trips in the summer, but we didn't talk on the phone or write to each other. I only really knew her through my dad. I'm not bothered by this because it's just the way it was. I just wonder if I should feel more than what I'm feeling right now.
I'm dreading her funeral. I don't want to see my dad upset, as I know he is. He is flying in from out of state on Friday, along with my mom, brother, and oldest nephew. I don't want to lose whatever control I think I'm holding on to right now.
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