January Numbers & Deep Thoughts

I started this post originally with a negative tone.

I didn't lose any weight this week.

I read it a few times and deleted it.  It insinuates that I'm unhappy with my weigh in today.  Did I love seeing the same exact number as last week?  No, but it didn't depress me as it normally would.

Could it be I'm getting over my obsession with the scale?  An interesting thought, but not sure I can answer that since I'm sure, in an obsessive fit, I'll weight myself again.  Tomorrow.

It's the end of the month though and that means I take measurements too.  In my rational mind (not the one I always use!), I know inches are more important.  After all, muscle weighs more than fat.  I had already decided I would be lucky if I lost an inch this month when I got out my trusty measuring tape.

To my complete delight, I lost a total of 2.5 inches and 2.5 lbs this month!  One inch was from my "upper" belly alone!

I feel great this morning.  I was stagnant for so long that these 2.5 inches mean a lot to me.  It's incredible motivation to keep going in the right direction and not give up.

My wish is for every person struggling with their weight is to not give up.  It's so easy to get discouraged, I know.

It's What's on the Inside that Matters

I was at a baby shower yesterday.  It was hell- only because I had almost NO food choices.  I ate fruit, scallops (I peeled the bacon off), and meatballs.  I actually stopped eating the meatballs after two because I highly doubt they were prepared without BBQ sauce.  Temptation was everywhere- pasta salad, deviled eggs, thanksgiving rolls, tomato pie, and don't even ask me about the dessert table.  I'm pretty sure a tear rolled down my cheek when they cut the cake.

Oh and there was a keg and a wine bar.  

Anyway, I saw family members I haven't seen in awhile, which is nice but I had the same conversation with a few of them.  How much have I lost now?  How did I do it?

I get the feeling they mostly want me to say "I woke up one day, decided not to be unhealthy anymore, and now I'm not."

Ok, maybe not those words exactly, but they want to hear I took a pill or some other quick fix to lose 80 lbs.  I wish!

It's nice to hear from others how good I look (although it really makes me think I looked like complete CRAP before).   I always make a point thought to share the HEALTH affects of losing the weigh.  I no longer have high cholesterol and don't need medication for it.  My blood pressure is awesome.  For someone who's had TWO high risk pregnancies because of it, that's a relief.  My triglycerides are in the ideal range and I'm not pre-diabetic anymore.  

If I hadn't made the choice to not be unhealthy anymore, I don't know what I'd be dealing with now.  The outside benefits are nice too; I know my husband appreciates them too!   I'm just thankful I'm being proactive about my health and reactive.  

Whole30 Challenge Day 9

I am nine days into the Whole30 Challenge.  It's a paleo based challenge created by a company called Whole9, who've created a community focused on real food and healthy habits.

Basically it means I can't eat any sugar, grains, legumes, or processed food.

If you had asked me 10 days ago if I could do this, I would have said "Hell NO!!!"  The first few days were really hard and I kept dragging my feet before I would commit to doing it.  It takes a lot of will and preparation.  With two little kids and a full time job, when was I going to dedicate the time needed for prep?

I managed to find it and it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be.

So what am I eating?

My main staples are sweet potatoes, lean meat (chicken and turkey- sometimes ground, sometimes not), fish like tilapia and salmon, veggies like asparagus, squash, carrots, zucchini, broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, and kale.  I'm snacking on almonds, cashews, pistachios, almond butter and fruits like apples, clementines, strawberries, and raspberries.  I've occasionally pineapple and bananas.

Here are some of the recipes I've made so far.  I'm not the best cook, but these have all been good.  My husband is even some of them!  I spend the afternoons on Saturdays or Sundays cooking for the week ahead.

• Coconut Chicken Soup
• Paleo Pumpkin Chili
• Zucchini Cakes
• Sagey Spiced Butternut Squash
• Steak and Veggies

I also have quicker meals of just fish or chicken and veggies in coconut aminos  sauteed in a pan.  I can make that quickly at night while preparing dinner for the kids.  I will add a salad of mixed greens, cucumbers, carrots, and guacamole or avocado. No dressing, but I might sprinkle some olive oil if it is ever too dry.  The guac/avocado usually is enough for me though.

I feel amazing!  I'm full at night now and don't have the hunger pains I would usually get around 9-10 pm EVERY.SINGLE. NIGHT.  I wake up in the morning and don't feel tired, which is great because I wake up around 5:15 AM almost every morning.

I can make the kids' breakfast and not graze on their leftovers- like pop tarts, toaster strudels, or Greek yogurt and granola.  I don't pick at their peanut butter sandwiches or pirate's booty or crackers when cleaning up lunch.  No more sneaking bites of pizza when putting dinner on the table.  Even Tim has noticed I'm not picking at dinner as we clean up!

You're not supposed to weigh yourself on this challenge, but I'm not that self disciplined!  I'm done two lbs so far in nine days!  I measure myself at the end of each month and I'm actually excited to do it this week!  Wednesdays are my weigh in day, so stay tuned for an update!

Squash

My newest food obsession is squash.  Yellow, zucchini, butternut, and spaghetti.  I'm slowly educating myself on all the different kinds and how you can cook them.  Since I'm trying the Whole30 Challenge, I have been scouring the internet for quick, easy recipes.  I'm learning that the words "quick" and "easy" don't exist in the Whole30 world.  Sigh.

I spent a lot of time this weekend cooking. I enjoy cooking, surprisingly enough,  but spending my weekend days in the kitchen takes me away from the kids. My time with them is so limited since I work full time, so I have a hard time not being with them as much as I can on the weekends.  A bit strange, I know, since we're in the same house, but I want to be engaging with them, making them smile, hearing them laugh.  I'm getting off track here- sorry!

I carved out some time today to make a few recipes using the squash I bought over the weekend.  I did major grocery shopping for this healthy eating challenge.  It actually took me three trips to get what I needed for the recipes I saved.

They were pretty easy, prep time was not very long, and from what I sampled, they tasted pretty good.  My new favorite web site Chow Stalker has a lot of recipes and I found some easier ones for my squash.  I cooked up a storm and my fridge is now packed full!

I'm really excited for this one

  Spaghetti Squash with Garlic and Parsley

And this one:

Turkey Spaghetti Squash

Still Stings

I'm not obsessed with working out, I'm serious about my health.  If people knew the genetics I've inherited, they'd understand.  Diabetes, heart attacks, strokes- not fun stuff!   I don't want to put my family through the emotional turmoil nor do I want to go through it myself.

It's sad that people can be negative towards someone trying to get and stay healthy. It's even worse that I let it bug me (still).  People ask me a lot about my weight loss and I'm always glad to share my experience, but I've gotten to the point that I'm wary of how much or what I share.  Weight and health are sensitive subjects and I never know how people will interpret my story.  I've encountered a few people who get negative and even a little nasty.  They imply that I'm crazy for getting up around 5 AM to work out or that I don't give enough attention to my kids because I "exercise all the time."  That's just not fair and I don't normally let it bother me.  I know that response is usually based in an unhappiness with themselves, it just still bothers me and is just unnecessary.

I've been bad about posting the last few days, but I've started the Whole30 Challenge.  I have lots to post on that!  Coming soon!

Mental

Prayers For Reesey

I found another mom's blog recently via FB.  She has four adorable redheads six years of age and under.  They are some of the cutest little girls I've ever seen with pretty red hair and gorgeous blue eyes.

The third little girl, Reese, was diagnosed with a brain tumor on Halloween 2012.

I spent a few hours one night a few weeks ago reading their story and it is sweet, funny, humbling, inspiring, and heart wrenching.  After reading her last entry last night, I now want to fly to Dallas and hug this amazing  little girl.  (Warning:  the blog will tug at your heart strings.  It make make you cry, but it is worth it!)

I wanted to share it here on my blog as they face another MRI next week to check the status of her tumors.  Please send out prayers, thoughts, vibes- whatever it is you do- to this family as they face this next step.

http://www.thisyearslovewilllast.com/

My Beachbody Addiction

I can't say my addiction is to exercise. I don't love all exercise.  I still can't get into yoga as much as I have tried.  My addiction is to Beachbody work out programs.

Insanity arrived on my door step yesterday and I am indeed, insane.

I might also end up divorced if I can't control myself.

Ok, I'd have to tell my husband first that I bought another program for that to happen, but I'm getting off track here.

I need to work out at home.  I've tried getting out in the early morning to a gym and it was a borderline disaster.  My daughter has no consistent sleep pattern and can wake up at 5 AM or 7:30 AM.  Since my husband is NOT a morning person, and Phoebe is a mommy's girl, it's best for everyone if I'm there when she wakes up.

Beachbody work outs like Turbo Fire, ChaLean Extreme, P90X, Insanity, Brazil Butt Lift, Les Mills Combact, and more make it SO easy for me to get fit and stay healthy without leaving my house.

I'm currently doing ChaLean Extreme, and I've layered Brazil Butt Lift on top of it.  I'm also throwing in Turbo Fire for some cardio on days I do weights.  I get the best of both worlds this way because lifting weights is so important to lose weight and change your body shape.

My living room is my gym space right now and I was up bright and early this morning.  On my schedule was Burn Circuit 1 from ChaLean Extreme and 20 minutes of Fire 30 from Turbo Fire.   I felt so stinking good afterwards!  Is it strange to love feeling  my body work and sweat?  I just feel so good, mentally and physically.  I wish I could have finished Fire 30, but the kids were both up by this point and needed me.  I still managed to get an awesome work out in- and that's what counts.

I'm excited to see how I do with these programs and I can't wait to try Insanity.  I just wonder what will be after that....

Click here to try a Beachbody work out!

2013 Goals

My parents instilled a belief that anything was possible, that I could do anything I set my mind to, as long as I worked hard.  I've lived my entire life believing in that.

I lost some of that drive as I got older.

I could blame it on having kids. Your focus and priorities in life just shift once you become a parent.  Rather easily, I lost focus on my goals and the other things I want in life in addition to being their mom..

It's become clear to me that I want to do more.  To not just exist- but live.  To lead them by example of setting goals and reaching them.

I can say to myself or my husband that I want to do this or I want to try that, but if I just say them, there's really no one to throw it back in my face when I never do it.

I need that throw back.

So, think of this as my bucket list.  Goals I will achieve in 2013.

1. Get a food processor (starting easy!)
2.  Lose the last 10-12 lbs
3.  Build my Beachbody business by making at least Ruby coach by 8/31/13.
5.  Save $25K towards our down payment for our next home by 12/31/13.
6.  Take the family on a week long vacation this summer.
7. Write on this blog at least four times a week.
8.  Never drink a diet soda again
9. Complete Insanity
10. Do more volunteer work, especially during holiday season

Maybe I'm a Nut

On New Year's Eve, I stood in my bra and underwear at my closet door, tears blinding my vision.  Everything I tried on made me feel fat and frumpy.  I rejected top after top, switched to a dress, rejected it, and then tried another.  I ripped that one off too, threw it on the floor and sat on my bed, feeling deflated and depressed.

Why is it, no matter how our bodies change or how far we come, it's still so hard for us to see it?

It took my husband telling me "You're not fat.  I can wrap my arms all the way around you" for me to almost believe it.  Ok, maybe I didn't look lumpy and overweight in everything I owned.  Maybe it wasn't the end of the world and surely, this didn't warrant ordering a large pizza and eating it all myself.

He had to remind me again today that I've lost 80 lbs. I seem to forget this because when I look in the mirror, I still see me.  The me I was my entire life- overweight, unhappy, and unhealthy. 

Howveer, I did lose 80 lbs on my own, in a healthy and safe manor.  I've accomplished something amazing.  I was looking into getting a personal trainer because I want these last 10 lbs gone. He thought I was nuts and told me as much.

Maybe I am a nut.  I need to be happy about the journey I've had and not sweat the small distance I have left to go.

2013 is going to be the year of enjoyment and adventure. I'm going to enjoy my life, my kids, my husband, my job, family, and friends. I'm going to try new things, step out of my comfort zone, and give back.

It's time to get and stay positive!

I'm Still Here!

It's been a shamefully long time since I've been here.  I can't put my finger on what made me lose focus.  Work has been extremely busy with me traveling almost every week for about a month.  We sold our house and had to fix up the new house we moved into.  Then the holiday season hit and before I could sit down to relax, it was 2013.

So where am I in fitness/health wise?

I'm surprisingly good!

I've maintained my 80 lbs weight loss!  I'm switching things up a little to tackle these last 10-15 lbs.  For Christmas, my awesome in-laws gave me these:

I'm madly in love with my SelectTech weights!  They're adjustable and range from five to 55 lbs.  I'm doing ChaLean Extreme (again) with the plan to lift heavier this time.  I've also mixed in some work outs from Brazil Butt Lift to help with my thighs (abs and butt, too- of course).  

I'm reading about paleo, vegetarian and vegan diets, watching documentaries, and thinking about making a change in my diet.  I do pretty well with eating healthy foods, but I know I could tighten it up some.

Here are some pictures from the past few months: